Season: 2

Original Airdate: April 21, 2000

Writer(s): Peter Neale

Director(s): Andrew Prowse

Guest Stars
Chris Haywood as Kyvan/Maldis

Script: View

Synopsis: Chiana returns to Moya with a fortune-telling portrait she picked up from a passing trader. The picture foretells the deaths of the crew, and one by one, they start to die off. Zhaan realises her old foe Maldis, an evil sorcerer, is behind the terrifying goings-on. He is trying to re-corporealise and is feeding on the fears of Crichton, D’Argo, Chiana and especially Zhaan. When Zhaan and Crichton are the only ones left alive, they are forced to travel into the sorcerer’s dimension and confront him face to face.

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Chiana: Okay? You know what I think? I-I think it can predict the future!
John: My Aunt Ruth can do that ‘cept she uses tea leaves.
Chiana: Oh. Okay. Well then how do you explain this- and this ?
John: Have you eaten, drunk, smoked, sniffed -anything weird lately?
Chiana: No – have you?
John: Not lately.

Zhaan: I want you to bring me Chiana’s portrait.
John: Yeah. It’ll look nice in here.
Zhaan: I don’t want to look at it. I want to destroy it.
John: One portrait coming up!

John: Great. I’m next. Batter up. This is great, Zhaan. This thing is picking us off like flies, and nobody even knows what it is. Zhaan, I’m ready for this – give me your plan. Please? Come on, Zhaan – this magical mystery crap is your specialty, not mine – you just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!

John: Zhaan! Stop bugging out! We beat Maldis before, we can do it again! Don’t go chicken on me here!

John: It’s not just a painting, it’s a maze. Terrific. And I know who built it. Maldis! Come on down!
D’Argo: Maldis?
John: None other than. Doesn’t that just make your day?

John: Come on, you old bastard, show me your ugly face! Haven’t you read the Super Villain’s Handbook? This is where you’re supposed to twirl your mustache and gloat.
Maldis: I don’t have a mustache John.

John: How you doing old man? You’re looking kind of pale. You getting enough sun?
Maldis: Irreverent as ever. I missed that.

Maldis: I sustained myself by concentrating on revenge.
John: Well, here I am dude. Revenge away.

Maldis: I’m saving my revenge for one who deserves it – Pa’u Zhaan.
John: Oh. I’m crushed. And here I was thinking we both kicked your ass last time.
Maldis: No. She kicked my ass and saved yours. As you say, this magical mystery crap’s not your thing.

Maldis: Have you forgotten? Fear makes me stronger. Fear and the terror of helplessness. These are a few of my favorite things.
John: Oh, could you do that farewell good-bye song the kids sing? It’s one of my favorites.
Maldis: I don’t do requests!

Maldis: Your mind to me is an open book. Full of big print and lots of pictures!
John: Then read this. Kiss…. I’m betting on her. Not you.
Maldis: Bad bet.

Chiana: Oh, frell. Who’s that ugly old man?
John: His name is Maldis. He’s your basic evil vampire.
D’Argo: He sucks the life force out of people.
John: He just plain sucks. Listen up everybody. This joker feeds on fear, so we’re gonna stay calm.
Maldis: Zhaan’s not listening to you John.
John: Zhaan, we keep our cool. We starve him out.

Aeryn: Crichton said I should follow Zhaan’s instructions without question.
Rygel: Did he? Well, he didn’t bother to tell me!
Aeryn: Of course not. When have you ever followed instructions?

John: Home sweet home.

John: So, what do you think Zhaan? Is that son of a bitch gone for good this time?
Zhaan: With a being like Maldis, we can never be entirely certain.
John: Zhaan – this would have been a reeeally good opportunity to lie to me. You know – Sure John! He’s toast! Strike him off your Christmas list! Stick a fork in him! He’s done! He’s over! The fat lady is singing. It does not have to be true, Zhaan. But I certainly would have slept better.
Zhaan: I’m sorry John. I’m not a very good liar.
John: Yeah, right. Now I know you couldn’t tell me the truth about your plan. Maldis would have picked it out of my brain. But you had us all fooled with that scared Nelly routine.


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