Season: 2

Original Airdate: July 7, 2000

Writer(s): Michael Cassutt

Director(s): Ian Watson

Guest Stars
Lani Tupu as Crais
Dominique Sweeney as Yoz
Angie Milliken as Voice of Yoz
Thomas Holesgrove as Tak
Nicholas McKay as Voice of Tak

Script: View

 

Synopsis: When Moya is attacked by Halos-1, a hostile ship, the crew discovers that rather than being injured, they have all swapped minds. Zhaan, on a diplomatic mission to the alien ship, is the only one unaffected. The Halosians then plant an acidic weapon in Moya’s neural cluster, so that not only is the crew in a state of bodily confusion, they must also deal with the acid burning through Moya’s circuits. Zhaan, with no way of getting to the crew, must contend with the Halosians on her own.
 

 

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Note: This is the body switching episode, which can create some confusion though audio. When a character is speaking in someone else’s body it is represented like this: (Person speaking) as (Person who’s body they are in).

John: Have we sent the Don’t shoot us, we’re pathetic transmission yet?
D’Argo: It’s the first thing we tried – but they still targeted us.
John: What did we do to piss these guys off?
Aeryn: Nothing we’re aware of.

 


John as Aeryn: Oh that’s great. It’s the Three-freaken-Stooges! I’m hitting myself!

 


Aeryn as Rygel: Look, that ship must have shot us with some kind of brain-switching weapon. I don’t know – somehow, I got in you Rygel!
Rygel as John: But why? Why would they want us to switch bodies? Why?
John as Aeryn: I don’t know. But if this is some kind of sick experiment, I’m billing them for the therapy.

 


Rygel-as-John: Are these really necessary? Can’t you remember who we are?
John-as-Aeryn: No I can’t Einstein. If these guys attack again, I’ve gotta know who I’m talking to.

 


Rygel-as-John: Ooooh, my….
Aeryn-as-Rygel: What’s the matter?
Rygel-as-John: I feel, um – nothing. I just feel, um…
John-as-Aeryn: What? Is my body okay Rygel?
Rygel-as-John: Yes. It’s fine – just think I have to, um-
John-as-Aeryn: Now?
Rygel-as-John: Yes! Now. Right now. Yes.
Chiana-as-D’Argo: You can’t go now! You have to hold it!
Rygel-as-John: I don’t know how to hold it Chiana! I don’t know this body!
John-as-Aeryn: Then go! Just-just go!
Rygel-as-John: What? Here?
John-as-Aeryn: Over there! Now! Go!
Rygel-as-John: Right. There! Now.

 


Rygel-as-John: Ah – can you show me how to do this?
John-as-Aeryn: Oh – my – God. Unzip.
Rygel-as-John: Mm Right!
John-as-Aeryn: Pull it out. Point it like a gun – and shoot.
Rygel-as-John: Aiming it the right way?
John-as-Aeryn: Yes, that’s fine.

 


Rygel-as-John: Gods! That is good! – Yes! Then I’ll just, uh, put this thing away and -(he zips up his pants but catches something and yelps loudly) D-OW! YOTZ!
John-as-Aeryn: Put it away and be careful Sparky.

 


Aeryn-as-Rygel: What are you up to Rygel?
Rygel-as-John: Nothing. And my own body shouldn’t be suspicious of me, so back off!

 


John-as-Aeryn: Oooohhh… Mama!
Aeryn-as-Rygel: Crichton!
Chiana-as-D’Argo: What are you doing?
John-as-Aeryn: Oh come on man! I’m- They’re here! They’re right here! They’ve been here for a couple of arns and I just had to –
Aeryn-as-Rygel: You are – mentally damaged.
John-as-Aeryn: No – I’m a guy! A guy? Guys dream about this sort of thing!
Aeryn-as-Rygel: I’ll tell you one thing Crichton, if I find you’ve been dreaming anything else to my body, I’ll break your legs. Even if they are mine.

 


Rygel-as-John: He threw up. Disgusting creature.
John-as-Aeryn: Show us!
Rygel-as-John: What?
John-as-Aeryn: Show me the pavement pizza.
Rygel-as-John: You want to see vomit Crichton? Nobody wants to see vomit!

 


Aeryn as John: Oh no. I’m Aeryn – who’s Crichton?
John-as-Rygel: BZZT! I am.

 


John-as-Rygel: Let’s try this – we power the screen to 62%, get in the same position we were in the first time the beam hit – then we moon the Halosians and hope they’ll shoot us again!
D’Argo-as-Chiana: Are you sure about this John?
John-as-Rygel: Nope.
D’Argo-as-Chiana: Another blast could kill us.
John-as-Rygel: Yup.

 


John-as-Rygel: Can it furball.
Rygel-as-Aeryn: Great! Now I’m getting yotz from my own body!

 


Chiana: What? Why are you looking at me like that?
D’Argo: It’s-it’s nothing – it’s just that, uh – my tankas are sore, and they’ve never felt like that before. So I was wondering – what-what you were doing with them.
Chiana: Nothing. Hey, have you been speaking to Crichton?
D’Argo: No. But um – I, uh, I did wanna say to you that I-I really… really enjoyed being inside your body. NO! Oh! Oh – um – what I meant by that is – uh –
Chiana: I know what you mean.

 


John: Well, they say you have to walk a mile in someone’s shoes to understand them.
Aeryn: I certainly know what you were doing when you were in my shoes Crichton.
John: Give me a break.
Aeryn: It’s okay. It’s okay, you know? You were in my shoes, I was in your pants…
John: Excuse me?

 


 

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